It is 2012 . . . apparently a year of deep personal trials. According to numerology I am in a 9 personal year . . . a year of completion. I have recently been diagnosed with inoperable cervical cancer. A lot of people I know and some I do not are very saddened by that diagnosis. Some would also pity me. It is difficult to get to where I need to be with that kind of energy coming at me. It can be very debilitating. Although people mean well I suppose they imagine what they would be feeling should they or someone they love be diagnosed with such a thing. We are all at different places in our spiritual development. Despite the face value of this diagnosis, most people do not have the spiritual resources and tools that I have at my disposal. In other words, they have no idea I don’t just live in the physical world. They don’t know who and what I know. If they knew the weapons I have in my arsenal, I believe the pity would be for that cancer who dares to threaten my physical existence. It will bend to my will, not I to it. Not only that, I will face the demons that created this negative state of health and come out the other side more enlightened and healthy at my very core. I intend to use this to heal my entire Life and listen to my soul.
I wonder if part of it is because I loved my life so much that I began to fear losing the blessings I so cherished. If so, I must regain the faith I found in the Universe that brought them to me in the first place. I must remember that all that I love, all that I have is there because the Universe wishes me to be deeply happy . . . It wants me to have all that and more. Suffering occurs when we stop having faith in our journeys & begin to hold on, lose faith, & embrace Fear. Certainly that has been what has occurred to me. So then, this moment is still a gift . . . an opportunity to correct my course and return to the higher path I had begun to take. I cannot say that darkness has not currently overcome me & my existence. But I must admit that this was true even before the news that I had cancer took center stage in my life. It is time to face my darkness & fears. I must be fearless in my inner work. Ignoring my own dark places will only increase the power and magnify the cancer for the cancer is only a physical manifestation of my true soul experience. Not only must I envision perfect health, I must do whatever it takes to clear out the garbage that created illness in the first place. I’m rolling up my sleeves, everyone. Lord help anyone who stands in my way.